


It's Love, It's Just

by princessqwin



Category: Carol (2015)
Genre: 1950s, Angst, Best Friends, Broken Heart, Comfort, Dark Thoughts, Depression, Drama, F/F, F/M, Family Drama, Forbidden Love, Forced Sex, Forced love, Heavy Angst, Hurt, I know you love her Harge but damn, If you love someone set them free...or nawl, Lovesick, Mental Anguish, Sad, cate blanchett making me quiver in my bodice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-02 08:41:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15793026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessqwin/pseuds/princessqwin
Summary: Carol's affair has been discovered and now she is being threatened with her daughter being taken away. She realizes the sacrifices she will have to make in order to keep Rindy close while also justifying her love for Therese.





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> So I really found the movie 'Carol' to be an amazing and explosive love story. The characters were so dynamic and the actresses/actors so personal. Everything just tied together well. The screenplay, emotions, and set up just worked, it was so enticing! I am a HUGE fan of Cate Blanchett, have been for a long time. So when I did finally decide to see this film I was not disappointed.
> 
> **I will add a warning at the beginning of the chapter(s) that will contain rape! So you can skip over it if needed!

_She gripped the steering wheel, her body hot with rage and her mind exhausted from years of the back and forth. Between her ever conflicting emotions and Harge she didn't know which would end up destroying her first. Her life was spiraling out of control. She couldn't take it, she didn't know what to do. She couldn't lose Rindy...or Therese. A choice had to be made. A choice she wasn't ready for._

_Her tears made her makeup run and her soul sour. "W-why?!" she cried out in between gasps. She pounded at the steering wheel while she had angrily wiped the tears off her cheeks. She was miles from the motel and still felt the presence of Therese. How enchanting she looked asleep. Her angel, how did she muster up the strength to leave her?_

_"Fuck!...Fuck! God damn you Harge!" Carol spat at the windshield of her car. She was speeding and she didn't care. She knew she needed to get back to Jersey, to Harge to put an end to this madness. She was furious, she was livid, she was afraid. Afraid of losing her sweet child, afraid of never seeing Therese again. She was being pulled in two directions as a mother and a lover. It was happening again and she didn't have it figured out, she thought it would be possible to figure it out along the way. Instead, her malformed plan had backfired in her face in the worse possible way. Her traveling affair had brought the nastiness out of not only her but Harge as well. She held a gun to a man's face, wishing it was loaded to dispel what he had caught on tape. How could she have been so stupid she thought. How could she have known?_

_She was in love._

_Swerving due to her distress she nearly hit a tree placed at a fork in the road. Her attention was turned to the tree and she missed it by a hair. She quickly regained control of the car and pulled over on the side of the road. So many emotions made her body tremble. The feelings of betrayal, hurt, defeat, and utter desperation invaded her mind and body. She threw open the car door and stumbled out of the car as bile came up and spilled from her mouth. Silent sobs then came from her hunched form._

_Carol slowly controlled her breathing and stayed complacent where she was. She had let Harge's ill-will get the better of her. Who was he to threaten her with a morality clause? Who was he to hire someone to spy on her in her most intimate hours? She already knew the answer to that, he was her soon to be ex-husband who had enough power to make her be seen as corrupt and unjust in those complicated times. They lived in an era that didn't allow for homosexuality nor affairs of any sort. She knew what she had to do. She let out a shaky breath and stood and brushed off her knees and hands. "My sweet Rindy.." Carol whispered to herself. Swiping her hair back in place she got back in her car and opened her compact and fixed her makeup. With that last look, she started up the car and made her way to an airport to fly back home._

 

After calling Abby again to have the car picked up from the airport Carol purchased her ticket. She made her way to her designated seat on the plane between two men and sighed, "excuse me?" she tapped a flight attendant gently. "Would I be able to sit in that empty row near the window?"

"Of course." The flight attendant responded.

Carol gave her a light smiled, "thank you, dear."

Settled into her new seat she thought back to the letter she left for Therese. Abby would have been there by now and would have given Therese the letter. It had made her stomach turn at the thought of vanishing during the early hours of the morning leaving her angel to wake alone and confused. She would have to move on without her because her next move was to confront Harge and go about things from there. Whether they were pleasant or not.

 

Finally arriving in New Jersey, Carol exited the plane and headed towards the pickup zone. It was around four in the afternoon now and there was much time before Harge would be home. She knew his routine, his pattern when it came to him coming by the house. Her will to face him slowly faded as she opened the door to a cab. "Robbie's on Monroe, I need a stiff one," she said to the cab driver as she got in the car. He nodded not needing directions to one of the most popular chain joints in Jersey. Carol opened her case and took out her cigarettes. Lit, the smoke floated through her tinted lips. She would make sure this was over soon.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harge paced back and forth in his office. Word was getting out about his complicated and rather messy divorce. He didn't need people putting their noses where it didn't belong, he was gonna squash this. Carol was his, he loved her and she just couldn't see it. He gave her everything. Whatever she wanted he gave to her. So what if he wasn't there almost all of the marriage, big deal, he often thought.  
She had done the same thing with Abby and now his suspicions were confirmed, she had been doing this again with some shop girl. "Dammit Carol" Harge exhaled. She always made things more difficult than it needed to be. _Why couldn't she just be a housewife like everyone else?_ he pondered.

Harge was a man of the times. He lived by the times, man with woman. None of this same-sex nonsense. She wanted to have a life with someone other than him and he wouldn't let that happen. He grabbed his coat and headed out the door. "Andy I'm out for the night. Don't burn the place down," he joked with his doorman.

Andy laughed, "Sure thang boss!"

 

It was nearing seven p.m. when Harge made his way to their house. Rindy was with his sister for the week while he had the investigation going on. It had been two days since he received those tapes and heard his wife's illicit acts. He wasn't sure what he felt when he first heard them. The sound of his wife and that girl's voice speaking of intimate matters. Talk of how they felt complete with each other and how they wanted to spend each holiday together away from prying eyes. Rindy was mentioned once throughout the tapes and then never brought back up.

He entered the den with a glass of Brandy in hand. He would not sulk instead he would get every last piece of evidence needed to make her come back to him for good. Harge flicked the 'ON' switch up on the box and the tape began to roll. The tapes were filled with soft sounds that came from the girl. Her light moans and gasps came through the box. Next, familiar sounds from his wife entered, voice like silk as she spoke words of desire to the girl. A breathy moan came through and filled the room and he knew exactly who it belonged to. At that point Harge didn't know if he should be aroused or angered by the love-making sounds his wife made on the tapes with another person, another woman for that matter.

 Carol's passionate noises were something that should be made audible for his ears only. He missed the sounds that came from her when they made love, he missed her. Her smooth skin against his course skin drove him wild. The way she would run her delicate fingers through his hair, the feel of her supple breast pressing into him when she crawled onto him. Carol was a rare woman of class and seduction, he had never met anyone like her before. But then, there she was on those tapes untamed and different to him.  
The tapes were ending and Harge's senses came back. Now sickened by his wife's forbidden deeds. Shaking his head and throwing back the last of his Brandy. He slammed the glass down on the wooden end table in agony, "Goddammit it all!" he shouted as the glass shattered on the table. As he was about to turn to go grab a rag he heard the front door slam and the click of shoes of the floor.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Carol had been at Robbie's for a little over two hours and was well on her to a good buzz. She had been taking it slow with drinks. She wished to lose herself in the alcoholic beverages but she needed to have some sort of awareness for when she confronted Harge.  
"Thanks, Robbie, darling," she said as she ate the olive from her last dry martini. Dropping some cash on the table she grabbed her gloves and left the bar to hail a taxi.

While she rode in the taxi her mind drifted. Her thoughts were mingling with numerous ways of getting Rindy back, telling Harge off, and finding ways to cope with the loss of her new but now past lover. So much weight had been put on her and she couldn't bear to hold all of it anymore. She had done this charade before but it hadn't been this gruesome. Of course when this happened before, Rindy hadn't been in the picture long enough for this situation to manifest into the monster it was now.

The taxi turned onto her driveway and immediately Carol felt a pang in her stomach. She was nervous but more so she was pissed. Everything that happened came flooding back to her. All of Harge's threats, insults, and sneaky ways fueled her. She would tear him a new one when she got in the house. He wanted to make her out to be a monster then she would be that monster.

Getting out of the taxi and flinging the door closed she marched up the stairs to her extravagant house. The taxi driver handled her bags as she rustled with her house keys to open the front door.

SLAM!

The force from the slam making the wine glasses rattle on the nearby rack. Her heels clicked on the floor as she sped through the foyer and into the den. She could smell his cologne mixed with Brandy.  
"You son of a bitch!" Carol spat with venom as she entered the den. Harge looked at her with shock. "What right do you have to hire a detective to follow me around the world! To spy on me?!" she shouted demanding an answer.

"If I hadn't where would you be right now? Hm! In some sleazy motel with that girl! Probably with Abby too!" Harge yelled back.

Carol scoffed, "that's mighty bold of you! What I choose to do in my free time is my business! In what way does it affect you Harge!"

"It affects Rindy! Instead of her mother spending time with her she's out gallivanting with some broad! Do you know she wanted to spend Christmas with you? Did you know that?!" Harge stepped closer to her.

"How could I have known when you're always ripping her away from me! Or trying to bring some third party in to keep her from me! A morality clause Harge? Really? You would stoop that low?" Carol was on the verge of tears.

Harge grabbed her arms firmly, "why don't you get it? I-I love you! I want us to be together! US! Not you, Abby, and Rindy! She's our daughter and I need you!" Harge shook her.

"Let go of me!" Carol shouted as she pulled away from him. "I don't need you! I just need my daughter and you will give her to me!"—she couldn't hold it in anymore, tears spilled down her cheeks— "I have tried to make things right...a-and I can't live a life in hiding! I-...you will give me my daughter or I will—"

 "You will what?" Harge calmly cut her off with a daring stare. "What will you do Carol? Will you try and kidnap your own daughter and try live a life with her and that, that Therese girl?"

Carol gasped at his response. She hadn't figured out what she wanted to do if given the choice to keep Rindy and Therese.

Harge looked behind him at the tape box and back to his wife. "You really think you love her.. don't you?" Harge spoke, his voice low. His eyebrows drew together as he watched the expression on her face.

"Harge..." she wiped her tears and straightened up. "I-I will not, I can not do this with you." With that, she turned and head towards the front door feeling nothing but betrayal and anguish.

Harge's mouth was slightly parted as if he meant to say something. He slowly shook his head in disbelief and dropped into his armchair.

 

Carol slammed the door behind her in a fury. She paced back and forth on the porch as her fists shook. How dare he, he wanted nothing but to control her. To make her do and say whatever he wanted. Her pacing halted as she stared at the paved driveway, the thought came to her. "If he can't have me...then I can't have Rindy..." she repeated his words. She felt the sting of tears in the back of her throat. Inhaling hard she let out a shaky sigh. Removing her gloves and smoothing the side of her tight pressed waves, she turned towards the door hesitating, deep in thought. She stilled her mind and opened the door.

 


	2. Terms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooooo everyone!! First I would like to say thank you all so much for the comments and kudos!! I appreciate them so much, you all make my heart sing! Secondly, I am SO terribly sorry for the delay and any future delays that may occur. I work full time and have started school full time as well. So I am running off of four hours of sleep and no coffee (lol). Long story short, posts will be slower until the semester is over. I hope you all understand and I will do my best to put things out as soon as possible!!
> 
> Quin  
> ————————————————————————————————————————-

Carol stepped back into the house feeling a tremendous weight about her. It seemed like forever before she reached the den. Harge sat still in his arm charm, his back to her. It was a long pause before either one of them said anything.

"Here to tell me you want to go through with the divorce? I won't hear it." Harge said flatly as he rested his new drink on the arm of his chair.

Carol swallowed and looked up at the ceiling contemplating her decision one last time. "I...I will stay Harge," she pushed out.

Harge turned around in his chair to get a look at her. He never thought she would give up that easily. Carol was a stubborn woman, he'd known that when he married her yet, here she was giving into him. That's all he wanted, was for her to comply with him. He unsteadily got up and slowly walked over to his wife and lifted a hand to caress her cheek.

Carol's eyes closed while she took in an unsteady breath. She hadn't missed his touch but, she knew she couldn't back out now.  
"What are your terms?" she asked, looking up at him.

Harge dropped his hand and returned to his shattered brandy cup. "Well for starters no more of this woman fling crap, Carol. I won't have it." he swept the remaining glass bits into the garbage as he spoke. "It's not...normal and I need you to understand that."

Carol looked away in disgust at his words. How dare he say her feelings weren't normal. His controlling her wasn't normal.

"Besides all that you will see a shrink until you're better. You will acknowledge me as your husband," he told her.

A knot twisted in her stomach at his commands. "And what of Rindy? I will agree to none of these ludicrous demands if I do not get to have my daughter," she added boldly.

Harge paused, "the accusations will be dropped and you, me and Rindy will have a normal life again...Carol, she misses her mother and so do I," he added with pleading eyes.

 

Carol's eyes rolled in her mind. If it were up to her she would not have any of it. She wanted her child and she wanted her own life. Not to be tied to a man she once loved. A man who controlled her and didn't let her express herself. It was too much and she needed to be away from it all but at what cost to her daughter. Rindy was, in fact, her world and she was ready to fight like hell for her in the courts, but who was she kidding? The world saw her as an unfit mother because she chose to love another person who didn't have a penis between their legs. They would have all judged her and no matter what she threw out at Harge, he would have been seen as the beneficiary in the situation. The thought crushed her.

"If that's what you want Harge," she let him have his way.

He dropped the rag on the end table, brushing his hands together and walked over to her. "You would agree to this? How do I know you won't try to scurry off with that girl?" He asked not sure of what her answer would be.

Carol gave him a tired look, "Harge, don't you always get what you want?" she tested him. "Despite your wishes, I will continue to speak to Abby and see her," she spoke with a firm tone as she watched for his reaction.

Harge gave her an exasperated sighed, he knew Abby was a very close and very old friend of Carol's, no matter how much force he used he wouldn't be able to stop that. "Sure, I'll take it. So you're staying." It was more of a statement than a question.

Carol took off her shoes never breaking eye contact with him. She left the shoes on the floor where she stood and made her way out of the den and upstairs to their bedroom.

Harge shook his head as he watched her exit the room. _This woman will be the death of me_ , he thought. He then lit a cigar and grabbed his fourth glass of brandy. Harge walked to the front door to smoke it on the porch under the clear night sky. Carol's bags were still on the porch as he stepped out, two of them were barely closed. He could see her clothing protruding from the sides as if too much was shoved into the suitcase in a rush. Throwing back the last of his brandy and holding his cigar between his teeth, he grunted as he grabbed the bags. One under his arm and two in both of his hands he stepped back in the house and closed the door with his foot. His back cracked as he straightened up. "Aw geez," he sighed.

 

 

  
Upstairs Carol had just finished bathing. The hot water felt amazing on her skin and she had to admit she missed the personalized bathtub that she had Harge put in when they had gotten the house. Slipping on her satin bathrobe she drained the tub and went to the mirror. Her skin was clear and she had no bags under her eyes. It was as if her brief trip through the states had rejuvenated her. If one could call long nights driving and cheap motels rejuvenating. Nonetheless, she was happy during that trip and now her chest tightened at the thought of convincing Harge that she would stay without complications. She pulled her robe off her shoulder a bit to inspect her neck and cleavage, the love marks from her recent escapades had disappeared. She frowned and reached for her night fragrance. As she dabbed a few dots of it on her wrists and neck she heard a knock at the door.

 

 

 

  
Harge had made it to their bedroom when he heard the tub being drained. What he wouldn't give to see Carol in a silk pink teddy. When the night was special she would put it on for him and make his world go crazy. He felt a twitch in his pants as he thought about those scenes. He missed it and it made him hard to think that she was in the other room undressed doing god knows what with herself. He wanted her and he wanted her bad. It had been too long he deemed, she was his now and she'd agreed to be his so he wanted everything that included.

He removed his tie and suspenders as he went to go knock on the bathroom door, "Hey doll, how long ya gonna be in there?" he shouted through the door so she could hear him. On the edge of the bed he took off his shoes, sloppily tossing them aside to wall. The bathroom door slowly opened and he looked up to see his wife standing in the doorway in a peach colored satin robe. Her face was flushed from the hot bath and to him, she looked delectable. She ignored his stares as she went over to the dresser to grab a nightgown.

Harge came up behind her startling her, "what are you doing Harge?" she asked him incredulously.

"I've missed your scent hun," he inhaled her fragrance and pressed his nose to her hair.

Carol smelt the alcohol on his breath as he continued to nuzzle her golden hair. Even damp from a bath her hair still sat perfectly. "Lovely, can you please give me room to get my things?" she said as she tried to sidestep from him. But he grabbed her hips steadying her right where she was. She felt him pressing into her backside. "Harge, enough I'm not in the mood for this." She tried to remove his hands but instead, he caught hers and held them close to her chest.

"Carol, I've missed everything about you, be my wife again...tonight. Let's do what we do best," he said as he held her wrists with one hand and started to tug on her robe with the other.

"You're drunk Harge! Let go of me," she spoke firmly. He then turned her around to face him, his hands grabbed her face as he gave her a harsh kiss. She tried to protest but he held her face tight in his grasp. "Harge!-" She made a noise of disapproval and slapped him hard across the face! He swayed as he held the dresser. The alcohol was working against him. She stared at him as he touched his face where she had hit him. Carol tried to brush past him but he caught her arm and pushed her against the wall. She yelped as her back came into contact with the wall. "Have you lost your mind?!" she yelled at him.

"Have you lost yours woman!" he spat back. "I've had enough. You are my wife and you belong to me!" he then pulled the ties at her waist that held her robe closed and it fell open.

"Stop it Harge!" she shouted as he continued to press himself against her. She could feel the hardness coming through his pants and it made her nervous.

Harge clumsily stepped away from her, pushing a shaky hand through his hair that had fallen in front of his face. "You agreed to my terms and being my wife, so act like it!—” he slammed his hand on the wall next to her head making her jump "—Get on the bed." He commanded her.

Carol looked at him as if he'd gone mad. She had never seen him behave like this, even when he would come stumbling home drunk. This frightened her, it made her question what she would have to deal with in order to see her child. After hesitating, she climbed on top of the bed and laid on her back.

Harge had never been a gentle man but, he wasn't a physically abusive husband. Never had he laid a hand on her in a way that would cause harm, with the exception of one pretty bad shove that resulted in Carol getting a concussion. Harge was distraught after he did it and stayed sober for a week to "apologize and do right by her". She had been accustomed to his roughness but now something about his tone shook her. He was beside himself, acting as if he could do whatever he wanted because she had agreed to whatever nontangible contract he made up.

He wouldn't do what she thought he would do...would he? She held her robe closed and looked up at the ceiling. She didn't know what he had planned. Then, she heard him undo his belt and zipper, the sound of clothes being thrown on the floor. In the next instance, he was on top of her, the bed dipped beneath his weight. He took her hands and put them above her head, holding them there by her wrists. His grip was strong and she was afraid to take her wrists back. She felt light kisses being placed at the base of her jaw then slowly she felt them descend to her neck. The kisses turned into sucking and she could feel the heat from his mouth.

"Har-" she tried to whisper his name but he cut her off with a simple 'mm mm'.

His left hand made its way through her robe and found the crux of her inner thighs. He caressed them until his hand inched higher to the warm soft skin between her thighs. Her heartbeat started to pick up as she became fully aware of what was he was doing. Very gently he spread her lips with his index and ring finger while methodically using his middle finger to stroke her clit. She took in a breath as he touched her there. She started to fidget underneath him and pull at the hold he had on her wrists.

"Enough Harge! Let go of me...I don't want to!-"

"Shh shh now doll, you'll like it," he said his finger motioning to her mouth. "I know you will." He smirked as he licked those two fingers and brought them back down to her warm entrance. 

He inserted one finger and she gasped, "I really don't want to do this-" her voice cracked as he added the second finger. She writhed under his hold, squirming and whimpering as his fingers worked inside to get wet. His fingers moved inside her while his thumb stroked her sensitive bud. His mouth moved to her stomach and then moving upwards until he reached her breast. He circled her nipple with his tongue making it go hard then latched onto it, with a flick of his tongue her back arched involuntarily.

Carol hated that Harge still knew what made her body tick and succumb, he pinpointed her sensitive spots always. _I don't want this! I don't want this!,_ she shouted in her head. She needed to stop his hands from working her body, from making her tingle in all the right places.

Harge let go of her wrists to cup the back of her knee, pushing her leg up at an angle. In that moment Carol quickly grabbed onto his shoulders while driving her other knee up into his groin.

"Bitch!" Harge hissed as he fell on the bed beside her in pain.

With haste, Carol snatched her robe closed and ran from the room. As she ran down the hallway her eyes went over the stair railing towards the front door. _An easy escape_ , a thought came. _What would I do afterward?_ , she panicked. Before she knew it her legs had run her to the furthest guest room down the hall. Once inside she closed the door, pressing her back against it trying to steady her breathing. She looked down at her feet for a moment and her eyes began to well. She let out an exhausted sob and allowed the hot tears to flow down her face. She slowly slid down the door as she covered her face. She knew her options and yet still she felt she only had one. If she left then she would lose Rindy, if she stayed then Lord knows what she would have to go through mentally, emotionally, and possibly physically.

Carol covered her mouth to muffle her growing sobs. Her body trembled as she let it out. She felt nothing but anguish in that moment, she cried for what she lost, she cried for what was to come, and she cried for her daughter. Oh, how she longed to have her sweet, sweet Rindy in her arms right now. To hold her tight, to caress her soft baby curls. Then, she cried for what would never be with her and Therese. With Harge dictating her life she knew she would never be happy.

She dropped to the floor and banged on it, at the hideous thoughts wracking her mind. With her forehead to the polished wooden floors, her tears puddled and her nose leaked. She took quick gasping breaths as she expelled the heartache she felt. She only felt despair.

 

 

 

Eventually, she ended up wearing herself out from the emotional strain and crying. Her breaths became less rapid and calmer as her body lowered itself completely to the floor. Moments later she was taken by fatigue and could no longer keep herself conscious to the misery of the night. Her body lay crumpled on the floor behind the guestroom door.

 


End file.
